production continues unabated

due to structural flaws in the factory floor of our production facilities, the east beach, santa barbara, site has unfortunately been closed.
however, we are pleased to announce the opening of our newest location, conveniently situated just off the 101 between santa barbara and goleta. with its product-receptacle-to-employee-ratio of 3:2, management is confident that reliability and efficency will increase accordingly.

product cohesiveness is, as always, determined by employee alcohol consumption.